Monday, May 18, 2009

Life Decisions Make Me A Grumpy Gus

The bad part, in my opinion, about this whole college thing is that you don't know what the future is going to be like. Which obviously is a given in all situations, but makes planning this out so much harder. So many people seem to be happy leaving at 18 and becoming an artist/musician/creator-of-some-type. I don't want to be locked into some horrific job that I hate. I don't want to be locked into an Ok job that i can tolerate. For fuck's sake, i don't want to work! People say that those who are voluntarily jobless are just feeding off society, and bums, etc., etc., ... but maybe they're just not willing to take part in a plan that says school school school party work work work marry work work reproduce work work work work work work retire reminisce about youth when life was good golf DIE. I don't have a problem with people who choose this road - I'm just feeling really, incredibly boxed into it. And it's scary.

The other bad thing is that you can't really play this game both ways. If you want to live by your own rules, sleep late, fuck around, get tats, shave half your head, get bizarre and fun piercings, run your mouth, etc., it's difficult to find a nice job, a steady cash flow, and a comfy place to sleep. Similarly, if you're going to school, working, and doing all the bs activities and ass-kissing required to get into one of these places, you feel entirely fed up with yourself and sick of it all (Me). I've always been an individual thinker, but I'm completely pragmatic, and I'm also not overly dysfunctional or antisocial, so for a long time, I went along easily with things. It's like Dave Barry once said - the snake of adulthood swallows you inch by inch until suddenly you've gone from fun tymes and good music to pleated pants, paying bills, and thinking about private school for your kiddies.

The reassuring part is that you really can do what you want - as long as you don't want a lot of material things. Which matter a lot less to me now than they did a year ago. Thank the good lord in heaven. If he cares.

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